Lost in Change, Gained in Freedom

There are so many people around, telling me what to do, and to follow the “main stream”, I have to listen to them. Where is my freedom?

“Mina, do you want to go to the movie tonight?” A voice raised behind me. I knew, it must be Leona, she is my closes friend, and also, a movie fan. “Leave me alone!” My brain responded automatically to me, but I kept my mouth zipped and was very careful to not let it seep through my mouth. I turned, and gave her a big smile, “Yes, of course! What do you want to see? There are a lot of new ones.” My response did no surprise her, that was what she had always expected. Leona, in fact, still felt excited, jumped to my side and was almost yelling, “I know you would like to go, too! Let’s go see ‘The Season of War’, I heard that the prince is so hot!” I couldn’t control myself and frowned, but I hid it quickly, hoping Leona did not see my unusual reaction. “I need to call my mom, we had a dating for dinner. Will you excuse me for a minute?” “Sure, go ahead, I’ll meet you at the school gate.” My blood rushed to my legs and feet, I felt like a hungry lion, escaped as fast as I could.

Every cell of mine was shouting, “Do whatever you want to do! It’s no big deal. What’s so good to get rid of these crazy voices. For all my life, I have been always being with someone, agreeing with others. I was wrong with that, I only be like this to make everybody happy and satisfied. “But where is your freedom,” a part of my head questioned, “you want to be on your own way, your happiness is the most important to you! Do you really like the life you have now?” The yelling and questions pounded the veins in my head. I leaned over on the wall, head buzzing. I set my feet walking, not to Leona, but toward freedom, which I had always wanted, but never dared to grasp.

I still went to school everyday, still had classes according to my schedule. My life seemed nothing different from before, yet, I was reborn with my freedom. “Mina, you are very quiet recently, are you okay?” Leona’s voice again, bright as a mid-summer’s sun. I looked into her eyes, delivering the inner peace of mine to her and said, “Don’t worry, I’m perfectly fine, happier than ever!” I gave her a warm smile, and I was sure that my eyes glittered the happiness as well. Before she opened her mouth again because I knew what she was going to say next, I claimed, “Sorry, Leona, I’m not going to see movies very often, I want to be alone sometime.” She was obviously shocked, strangely, I did not care what she thought about me, I only knew, I could finally say whatever I wanted to,

The struggle in my head stopped, the yelling of my cells stopped, and ache in my head stopped. I lost the hostile friends who used to surround me all the time, but I gained the feeling of peace, calm and quietness. Now that I am all alone, sitting on a sofa in a Starbucks, sipping Mocha, staring outside the window, enjoying the freedom that I pursued from the change.